Throwback time

My lil ray of sunlight

I heard once that behind a great woman is a great mom. At first I didn't really believe it as I was sure that I am far from being great and my mom isn't really what I used to consider a great role model. Growing up being yelled at, being called names pushed me to not give a damn. I simply didn't care as I didn't want people to know me and say I didn't deserve to be in their life. I had major self esteem issue. I was almost always alone and had struggles keeping friendship as I didn't do good in trust department and completely letting other people know the real me. It was until I turned 30 that I have finally seen my purpose in life; to be a mom. When I gave birth to Olivia, I had so many questions in my mind and felt a mixed of emotions. I was scared, happy, and in love with her more the moment I saw her face. I was scared as I didn't know if I will be the mom she needs. Will I scream at her too and call her slut if she made me mad? I didn't want that. I want her to be a confident, happy and loving person. I want great things for her but I don't know if I can be a better mom than my mom. I didn't exactly have a role model. Having Olivia in my life is a blessing indeed. I have known myself more, now I know that I am capable of loving a person with all my heart. I am still trying to be the best mom for her everyday. There are times when I feel like I have enough and I just  want to scream at her out of frustration but consciously decided not because when I look at her, I can see myself in her and I didn't want her to feel unloved, undeserving and alone. I want her to have a happier childhood :)